Hope is a belief that what we do might matter, an understanding that the future is not yet written. It’s informed, astute open-mindedness about what can happen and what role we may play in it. Hope looks forward, but it draws its energies from the past, from knowing histories, including our victories, and their complexities and imperfections. It means not being the perfect that is the enemy of the good, not snatching defeat from the jaws of victory, not assuming you know what will happen when the future is unwritten, and part of what happens is up to us.
— Read on www.theguardian.com/world/2017/mar/13/protest-persist-hope-trump-activism-anti-nuclear-movement
After a short blimp the past months, I am back to my discernment. I hope I can focus now, now that I have learned so much about human nature. But then, I always revert to the virtues, be it Catholic or Buddhist, that guide me in my decisions in life and relationships with others. I learned that in the excess of empathy I stubbornly and stupidly put my life (and my face) in danger in an effort of trying to save a life. Why do I always sacrifice my own desires for the happiness of others?
When I was in high school, I imagined myself as a religious nun. The thought of entering a life of service has not left me. That thought turned into desire; and the desire has grown stronger. And so did the calling which has become even more persistent. Years ago, I was already preparing to join the Claretians but I was told that I was young and simply heartbroken. The convent is not a place to escape pain and heartache.
I was then invited by 4 groups, including from Sr. Mary John who said to me, “Sr. B used to work in media too. Now she’s here, she decided to join us.” Also Sr. Cres, when I was in St. Joseph for the Save Sierra Madre Campaign, also almost had me convinced to join them.
I haven’t decided yet which group to join. I have yet to convince myself that I have learned enough from this worldly life. But that is impossible because there is so much to learn!
This (unofficial) discernment period has been going on for quite a long time now, and the requirement methinks is at least one year. I thought I had a better plan: learn as much about the world and in between I can do my discernment. It’s not as good a plan as I thought it was because there were also other kinds of invitations as well.
I can’t tell what the future holds. But no matter what vocation I choose, I will continue to be an activist and to serve others and not be reined in contrived, blindly and half-heartedly by a group, a belief, or a relationship. And like Ayn Rand she wrote: ‘I guard my treasures: my thought, my will, my freedom. And the greatest of these is freedom.’